The Stand Alone Complex

out of the ordinary

Sun, 14 Jun 2009 08:37:39 GMT

as messed up as things are
as messed up as things can be...

this...
might just be the thing thats...

"out of the ordinary"

Thu, 14 May 2009 05:56:11 GMT

*clink*
inhales
exhales...

- - - - - -
Atonement.

Mon, 11 May 2009 20:30:39 GMT

why is it that everything in me and around me is telling me to stop.
and yet i cant find myself able to do so

even when whatever i throw at it. delievers me no results.
~~how did i grow to be so.......weak?~~

others probably cant see the value of it that i can see.
however...
'others' may even include you

Thu, 07 May 2009 19:46:22 GMT

and i still chose not to look at it the way
that everything seems to be showing me.

Sat, 25 Apr 2009 06:44:41 GMT

just stop.
Tboyz u know better.
just stop.

Fri, 18 Apr 2008 04:32:18 GMT

maybe
just maybe...
this time is my turn
to reach for Him.

maybe this is what i was waiting for.

Wed, 06 Feb 2008 04:40:39 GMT

after so long. and after so many things have happend.

"...i just wish you could see how much I've changed..."

and how hard i tried to be a better person.

Thu, 25 Oct 2007 01:51:57 GMT

just cant feel it like i used to...
just cant believe in things like i used to...
bleh~
lameeeee

Sun, 30 Sep 2007 07:17:13 GMT

One problem after the next.
when will it end...

sniffs* =(

Sat, 14 Jul 2007 08:12:47 GMT

time does fly by....fast
things have changed alot...
yeah...
gotta stop being an idiot and leave u alone....?
that i thought was the right thing to do from the beginning...
no talking, no looking, and just focus on ignoring the existence of another person...

guess i couldn't let go...
heh...my stupidity has sunk to a new low -_-

o well...just hope things will pass....
Sorry lor =(

Mon, 25 Jun 2007 09:46:34 GMT

bah...
i hate saying sorry....
>_<

but somethings...
i just wish could just fade away...

Mon, 04 Jun 2007 21:19:07 GMT

No regrets
No remorse

Fri, 25 May 2007 08:49:30 GMT

it feels like its been so long...
have i forgotten it all?

yeah...seems like ive lost touch with that side...
eh?

Sun, 13 May 2007 08:02:08 GMT

After all this...
just what am i fighting for?
all this time...
tell me...
just what am i fighting for?

Sat, 07 Apr 2007 22:44:24 GMT

a friend of mine recently spoke with me on my current troubles...
it was a simple...and i guess realistic talk...
the one thing i found striking...that she said was...
not something oddly deep, or strangely philosophical...

she stated one clear fact on it all...
i guess i forgot about it all along...

"...shes just a kid..."

eh?

empty?

Sat, 07 Apr 2007 07:35:38 GMT

a person of two faces
a mask of two contrasting sides

one sadistic
one harmless

ever felt like your world is a war between your two sides?
makes the whole illustration of the devil and angel on your shoulders alot more....
real?

...no different
or is it....you cannot expect anyone to be unselfish?
or in their trouble times....consider others?....as the sermon speaks for itself today....
how many are willing to do so? or how many try to understand?
what would you understand?
and what the fuck do you know about what rages in my mind?

when i look into your eyes, theres nothing their to see
nothing but my own mistakes, staring back at me
asking....why?

Sat, 31 Mar 2007 04:32:16 GMT

Days have past...
Weeks have come...
and Months will soon come...
The result is the same as before...nonetheless i was never able to escape the fate i suffered from repeatedly...

My heart rips at the cage it is placed upon...
it screams your name as you walk by....
it screams for you but the words just wont come out...

knowing how things changed...
it screams even louder...
it tears at the cage its hend in...
desperately trying to reach out...

however
silence, is the only constant....

Sun, 25 Mar 2007 04:25:41 GMT

fuck...
this shit is ridiculous....
this is not suppose to happen...

Sat, 24 Mar 2007 07:31:32 GMT

This feeling...
is so....distressing...
but i of all people know the results of looking back...

things seem to be turning out pretty well as a matter of fact...
seems like things have settled and....the best has been done
but yet...i linger here....in thoughts
many times today i drifted off thinking of the past....

but as much as i want to revisit it....
i know that it must not happen....or what cannot happen
regret seems to lurk over my shoulders....
but i alone know it is something i must bare with....

dont look back....
no matter how much you miss it...
and no matter how much you want it back....

fuk...this is so not planned for -_-

too late for regret

Sat, 17 Mar 2007 05:03:01 GMT

even to this time...my indecisiveness still lurks over my shoulders...
even now....i cannot face the things that have come to past...
perhaps this was for the better...and perhaps it is the only way to atone for the mistakes that i have made...
im sorry. for all the things that you had to feel...and im sorry for not being able...to complete the promise that i made...
right now....i dont know if it is spur of the moment...or perhaps something coming from my heart...
i truly feel that im missing something...a part of you...that is missing from me....
im not sure what it is....like in all things, im overly doubtful...
the past few days have changed alot...as i noticed that you are not the way you were before...
but this change to me....was not something comforting...however, deep in my heart i know that this is for the better...
and that this is something good for her....

i guess this is my goodbye...
for i believe i dragged it on for too long
only hoping that time will change me....and that i will be able to retake the task i believe was mine
the future looms ahead of me....not knowing what will happen to the 'us' hinders me from taking action
the thoughts of "what if's" or "what could of's"...run through my mind constantly...
although this course of action may cause me pain....
im sure that the results nonetheless would serve her best

im sorry my indecivness and selfishness caused you pain and tears...
...last but not least...
...again...

sorry...

_
Au revoir.

just a thought

Sun, 18 Feb 2007 03:02:08 GMT

Karenai Hana - Shimokawa Mikuni (FMP ending theme)

Kokoro ni, chiisana, hana ga, saiteru,
Kimi kara, moratta, karenai hana ga,
Shinjiru koto mo, kowagaranai kurai,
Tsuyoku nareta kara...

* Kimi ni aete, ureshikatta...
Tsunaida te ga, hokoridatta,
Ima wa, betsubetsu no sora, miagete itemo,
Hora, arukeru...hitori demo...

Kanashii, toki hodo, warau, watashi o,
Nani mo, iwanai de, daite kureta ne,
Koori tsuita douaga, sotto hiraku you na,
Sonna, kigashita yo...

Kimi ni aete, ureshikatta...
Kodoku sae mo, wakachi aeta,
Ima mo, kono sora no shita, tsunagatte iru to,
Sou, omoeru...hanarete mo...

Arigato mo, ienakatta...
Yakusoku sae, dekinakatta,
Dakedo, ano hi to onaji, kaze ga fuitara,
Mata, kanarazu...aeru yo ne...

Repeat *

**translation**

A small flower is blooming inside my heart, The unwithering flower you gave to me, I was able to believe strongly enough in myself, So I'm not afraid anymore...

* I was happy meeting you, And proud of our holding hands, Even though we look up to different skies now, See? I can walk on my own now...

I laugh more during sad times, To hide the pain I feel inside, But you hugged me gently without saying a thing I felt as if it were like opening a door frozen in ice...

I was happy meeting you, Even though I could only share my lonliness, Even though we're separated now, I still feel that we're somehow connected under this sky...

I didn't say thank you... I couldn't even promise... However, like on that day, if the wind blows Then I know we will surely meet again...

Repeat *

why?

Thu, 18 Jan 2007 17:47:33 GMT

sometimes...
making the best decision...
requires you to deny yourself the right to be happy...
but for the best....
i know this must be done.....
i know this decision must be made...
for the most evident result of it...seems inevitable...
to avoid....the possible havoc it might cause....
this must be done....
sigh**

Tue, 16 Jan 2007 13:50:12 GMT

for the better of both?
...at the current moment...i feel something...
im not sure what it is...nor do i understand it....
no point thinking back now??
....no turning back??

if it needs to be done...then i guess....
it needs to be done...

Mon, 27 Nov 2006 08:08:08 GMT

sigh**...
and i thought things couldnt get any worse...
so discouraging...

Sun, 26 Nov 2006 07:58:37 GMT

sigh*
yet another setback...
are You telling me to give up?
sigh*...
tell me...what am i to do?
>_